Topic suggested by Udhaya on Thu Aug 13 16:05:05 .
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- From: K.V.Sridharan (@ 98ce850e.ipt.aol.com)
on: Sun Dec 5 22:30:43
Edugai monaiyudan ellakkanam thavaradhu
eyal, esai, nadagam enra moonru thuraiyilum pady
Kanniyaga unnai parattiyadhu poga
Kattrariyadhavargallellam enru kavi padi
Kasaiyal unnai addhikirargalae!
Kanni Kaziyada mozhiyai
Kallariyil Pudhaikka Parkirargalae!
Padiyadhu Aandhavane enrarindhum
Pattil Nakkiran kurrai kandhadhu Aandhakkalam.
Pirappal Tamizhan enra Oore karanaththal
Pidhatri thiriyum makkalai
Pattu enra pirambal adhippadu enthakkalam.
Note: This is not written to hurt anyone writing poem in this forum. Please consider this purely as
a poem and feel free to critize it.
- From: Ramji (@ 205.177.170.146)
on: Mon Dec 6 06:57:38
Gokul:
You have created a new dimension to adoration.Vow!
- From: nalini (@ 169.144.224.110)
on: Mon Dec 6 09:09:53
vj, would like to read your poem(s) that appear in the collection by the poerty.com organization. How can I get to it?
- From: vj (@ chme6pc4.ecn.purdue.edu)
on: Tue Dec 7 15:09:43
I submitted my poem titled Conversation which I've already posted here. It is supposed to feature in Ballads of Our Lives.. you can read it by finding the poem at their website... searching by my name.. Vijayanand Subramanian
- From: Udhaya (@ 209.36.218.65)
on: Tue Dec 7 15:12:15
Gokul,
ovvoru kallarayilum
udaludan koodavae peyarayium
pudhaiththu vidungal
what a concept! yes, why not
...
en karppanai
thoduthalil surungiya
maravattayaai irukkirathu ippoathu
very colorful unique metaphor, thanks for returning.
KVS,
Pirappal Tamizhan enra Oore karanaththal
Pidhatri thiriyum makkalai
Excellent point. One's genetic or cultural placement does not give free license to poetic achievement or guarantee it. I feel your pain, man. I feel it more often than I care to.
- From: Udhaya (@ 209.36.218.65)
on: Tue Dec 7 15:16:04
witnessing the divine
as I munch into my
bean burrito
standing in front of the
septic mobile restaurant
I see her at her office entrance
the usually morose one who sits across
from my cube in the opposite
office building with the humorless
gray attorney suit
her eyes are on high beam
as she receives the long stem roses
from the delivery guy
later, some time after lunch
I look across to gauge her
her fingers touch up her hair
and play with her necklace
as she checks her phone messages
in fever-pitch anticipation
through the next few hours
off and on I catch her laugh
the kind of laugh
that's triggered from the base and
shared by the whole body
And watch her cut short several phone
conversations from what must be
her best friend who's just hungry
for details
every now and then
she holds the roses under her nose
and heaves her head back
with closed eyes
as if the joy being felt is too private
for open eyes
try telling her about the ravaged rainforest
the economic plummet
or the 24 civil wars underway around
the world
the news will bounce off her
without an effect
or inherit her bloom
and start showing a glimmer
of hope
never mind her chances with her new love
the duration of her spell
no matter your disposition
with the spiritual
whatever your angle
on love
you will admit
what she's feeling now is
divine
- From: Nithya (@ mecca.spd.louisville.edu)
on: Tue Dec 7 17:50:15
Udhaya,
Good one! Even I felt a little "divine" after reading your poem.
- From: vj (@ chme6pc4.ecn.purdue.edu)
on: Tue Dec 7 18:50:15
Udhaya, again you show your eye for commonplace things.. such poems leave me empty, they havent said much, just described something you already know, but it is a pleasure to read it.. like a distraction !
the second stanza - where you use "morose" "gray" "humourless" "suit" "attorney?"
seems to be an overkill of adjectives to convey the mood...
the description of laughter was interesting..
vijay
- From: Udhaya (@ 209.36.218.65)
on: Tue Dec 7 19:10:08
Thanks Nithya and vj.
Overkill on adjectives, hmmm, let me think about that, a very good point. Thanks for the keen observation.
- From: Kanchana (@ spider-wl084.proxy.aol.com)
on: Tue Dec 7 19:47:25
vj, congratulations on your poem getting published!
Udhaya,
Some interesting detailed touches--the laugh that starts at the base and spreads thru, the joy being too private for open eyes, the friend who's hungry for details, even the world's ills inheriting her bloom--make an ordinary situation quite interesting.
- From: sachu (@ 205.177.170.140)
on: Tue Dec 7 22:20:34
udhaya
such realistic description. enjoyed every line.
- From: vj (@ chme6pc4.ecn.purdue.edu)
on: Wed Dec 8 00:53:58
Thanks, Kanchana , havent seen you here for a while ?
Udhaya, an unimportant question .. why are you eating a bean burrito ? !
- From: vj (@ chme6pc4.ecn.purdue.edu)
on: Wed Dec 8 01:52:25
Bell Jar
(phrase used from the famous book by Sylvia Plath)
Let me seduce you
pickle you in a Bell
Jar, trapped with
distorted eyes, you'll
turn a yellow shade
of spice and learn to
love me.
Let me seduce you
- From: Ramji (@ 205.177.170.138)
on: Wed Dec 8 10:26:04
Gokul, Udhaya, vj:
Thanks for bringing back color and beauty to the thread.
vj, Udhaya's setting was common place, not his theme. Anyway,giving life to the "common" is what I consider Udhaya's genius, remniscent of Chaplin's.
Come on fellas, continue to feed my greed.I know there are several other hungry co-souls. I also direct this call to the other poets who do not frequent here anymore- Kanchana, Rekha, aruL et al.
- From: nalini (@ 169.144.224.110)
on: Wed Dec 8 10:46:28
vj, thanks. Checked it out. Yes, I remember the poem. Beautifully written. Congratulations!
Bell jar is intriguing. A morbid inverse view of the tragic character? Or am I reading too much into it?
Udhaya, as observed by some others here, the details are fascinating. Allowed the reader to witness and share some of the feeling too. Good one!
- From: Gokul (@ bhxrr1.flpk.pwcglobal.com)
on: Wed Dec 8 11:46:12
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- From: Udhaya (@ 209.36.218.65)
on: Wed Dec 8 11:51:20
Thanks everyone for the response.
vj,
I would never eat a bean burrito, the voice of the poem does. I chose bean burrito to go with all the other bland, uninspiring things at the start of the poem: the septic mobile restaurant, the morose lawyer in gray...and then the flowers arrive adding color and life to the surrounding as well as the poem.
- From: Udhaya (@ 209.36.218.65)
on: Wed Dec 8 16:08:03
Gokul,
If the first line becomes the 3rd line the flow is easier and less complex, unless of course you aimed for a complex opening stanza. The metaphor about leaves behaving like children momentarily quiet and waiting for their mother to disappear is very cleverly used, especially as it foreshadows that similar to the children, the leaves will also resume their unruly play once the authority figure leaves.
A not so unrelated note: I remember writing a poem about leafblowers too, maybe yours and mine can be side by side when they group these poems someday in a collection.
- From: Gokul (@ bhxrr1.flpk.pwcglobal.com)
on: Wed Dec 8 16:30:25
Udhaya,
Thanks.
Yes, I remember your poem about leafblowers.
Your point about changing the order
of lines in the first stanza is similar to what
I had originally written. With that the stanza
read too prosey. So I stuck with this.
A collection of all the poems from this thread?
Thats an interesting idea:-)
- From: aruLarasan (@ vengu.umsl.edu)
on: Wed Dec 8 19:01:20
good going guys.
udhaya, your divinity poem reminds of one of gokul's poem. i forgot it now, but it should be in gokul's homepage. gokul, do you still have it? can you please post it again?
- From: vj (@ chme6pc4.ecn.purdue.edu)
on: Wed Dec 8 19:29:23
nalini, it is to invert the idea of the Bell Jar .. to a 'positive' thing.. love as in this case.. love actually can be thought of as a state of being trapped...
- From: aruLarasan (@ vengu.umsl.edu)
on: Wed Dec 8 19:55:11
after seeing's udhaya's poem and after getting reminded of gOkul's poem, here is mine :-)) hope a marapukkavithai is okay. (i am hopelessly talentless in writing puthukkavithai. :-) )
ÜìÌÃø ¦¸¡Îò¾ ¸ýÉ¢
--- ÌÃľ¡ö Ì¢Öõ ¸¡ì¨¸
À¡ì¸Ç¡öô À¡¼î ¦ºýÉ¢ô
--- À¼÷ÌÆõÒ ±ýÉ ¦Åö§Â¡ý
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--- ¾Ç÷ó¾¢Îõ ÀÉ¢Ôõ ýÀõ
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--- ¦À¡ý¦ÉÆ¢ø Á¡¾õ §À¡üÈ¢.
(¦ºýÉ¢ = ¦¿üÈ¢; À¼÷ÌÆõÒ = ÌíÌÁõ; ¦Åö§Â¡ý = ÝâÂý)
¬÷ò¾Å¡öì §¸¡Ä ¦ÁøÄ¡õ
--- «Æ¦¸Ä¡õ Áɾ¢ý àì¸õ
§À÷ò¾Å¡ö Á¡ó¾÷ Üð¼õ
--- À¸ÄÅý §¾¡ýÚõ Óý§É
À¡÷ò¾Å¡ö §¸¡Â¢ü ¦ºýÚ
--- À¡ÊÔõ ÀâÍõ ¦ÀüÚî
§º÷ò¾Å¡ö §¸¡Ê ýÀõ
--- ¦º¡øħš ¬üÚ ÁõÁ¡.
(¬÷ò¾ = ¯Ãì¸ ¯¨ÃìÌõ,to shout, bellow; Å¡ö = š¢ø, threshold; ÀÃ¢Í = ¦À¡í¸ø :-) )
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--- ¸¡ÔÁì ¸¾¢Õõ ºüÚò
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--- ¾Ã½¢Ôõ º¢Ä¢÷òÐ §Å÷òÐ
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--- Õó¾¢Ä¡ ¾¢Õó¾¢ Ä¡§¾.
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Á¡÷¸Æ¢ò ¾¢í¸û ¾ýÉ¢ø
--- ÁÉòÐ¨È §º¡¸õ ±øÄ¡õ
¡÷¸Æ¢ò ¾¢ýÀó §¾Ê
--- ÕôÀ§Ã¡ «ÅÕì ¦¸øÄ¡õ
§À¡÷¸Æ¢ò о¢ò¾ ¦ÅüÈ¢ô
--- Ò¸ðΧÁ ¸ýÉø Å£Ãý
º£÷¸Æ¢ò ¦¾öÅò ¾ý¨Á
--- ¦º¡øÖ¾¢ Áü¨È ¯ñ§¼¡.
(¸ýÉø Å£Ãý = ÁýÁ¾ý; º£÷ ¸Æ¢ò ¦¾öÅò ¾ý¨Á = º£÷ Á¢Ìó¾ ¦¾öÅò ¾ý¨Á)
:-))
- From: Siva Kumar (@ tnt-13-161.easynet.co.uk)
on: Wed Dec 8 19:58:24
Udhaya
You are here..your poem is there...But where is the message to the worl..?
Who cares about your mobile...girls and her love talk. Are u kidding the world...Why don't you try to give some poems with some meaning to the world....
Not the stick of Gandhi...Statement ot Luther and your sarcasisms...
get out of the middlese profile and start writing for the people . if you can not, just come out.
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